4 Dec 07 - The Straits Times Forum
I REFER to the report, 'Most S'pore kids are happy: Study' (ST, Nov 30).
The report gave the impression that both dads and mums can and should continue to work without worries (or feel guilty) because (1) 'hours at the office will not affect the emotional well-being of their children' and (2) children who were interviewed in the research indicated that their mums, working or not, often spend time with them.
This report seems to complement recent government efforts to encourage more mothers to re-join the workforce.
The reported findings, based on a highly subjective questionnaire, should not be seen as a blank cheque for couples to abdicate the bulk of their parenting responsibility to childcare services and maids.
Even if we accept that some families may not be able to afford having a parent as the full-time caregiver because of divorce, death or dire financial situations, there are still plenty of couples today who will not think twice about ditching this sacred responsibility for 'lesser' reasons such as professional/career advancement and/or pursuing higher standards of living.
There is nothing wrong in pursuing such things in and of themselves. However, when a couple decide to bring a life into this world, there is a need to critically examine the motives for wanting to do so and evaluate whether they are prepared to make the sacrifices (e.g., giving up on career or luxuries) over the long haul.
My parents separated when I was eight years old and, like Ynez Tan mentioned in the article, I was 'happy' that my working mum was not around so that I could do as I wished. (That the report chose to highlight this girl's views about her mum at work out of the many interviewed spoke volumes about the research's subjectivity).
It was only by the grace of God that I grew up relatively unscathed. Everything else being equal, I would venture to say that children will blossom in an environment where one of the parents is around to provide constant and consistent nurturing love.
Sure, there is no guarantee that children brought up in such an environment will turn out well 100 per cent of the time. However, when they don't and, as parents, you did not make this noble 'sacrifice' when it was in your capacity to do so, it may be too late for regrets over what it could have been.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The Mega Church Debate - Are We Barking Up the Wrong Tree?
In the past week, there was an interesting debate in the Straits Times forum on a letter sent by a parent (Dr Lee) who wrote to warn about the teaching of mega churches and how it has led (at least in her experience) to fallen grades and disassociation of family customs and traditions.
Immediately following that letter, many on both sides of the fences responded with clarifications, examples, counter-examples or warnings. Many well-meaning supporters were quick to point out that the Bible is clear on the need to honour your father and mother. Some pointed out, rightfully, that it is too simplistic to blame church activities for fallen grades and family neglect. Others wrote of horror stories of how their children were led astray by cultic church group leaders to reject their parents and their traditions.
As a parent, I can empathise with the perennial concerns over what we view as negative influences of the world. There are also no excuse to be made for people who exploit the church and the teachings of the Bible for their own personal gains. Black sheeps do exist within the church and its leaders need to do more to weed such behaviours from the church.
Having said that, I think the conclusion that the mega churches are responsible for the children behaviour is too simplistic. As any parent will tell you, we play a very important and critical role in the way we bring up our children. Like it or not, we lay the foundation from which our children build up their world-view and it takes extraordinary amount of time, effort, discipline and patience to get it roughly right. The final ingredient is open communications and respect for our children's viewpoints, which is very important when the child reaches his teens and experiments with the concept of independence. Questionable church practices aside, parents like Dr Lee needs to first look inwards to examine the root cause before indiscriminately taking the churches in Singapore to task for leading her children astray. Perhaps she should spend the effort in writing the letter towards a heart-to-heart talk with her children and re-establish the bond of open communication and understanding. I think this would have been more fruitful.
Finally, just to kill the issue once and for all, the Bible is clear about children's responsibility to their fathers and mothers. In fact, in the Ten Commandments, the commandment to honour your father and mother is the only commandment that brings with it blessing for the one who obey.
Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (Colossians 3:21)
Immediately following that letter, many on both sides of the fences responded with clarifications, examples, counter-examples or warnings. Many well-meaning supporters were quick to point out that the Bible is clear on the need to honour your father and mother. Some pointed out, rightfully, that it is too simplistic to blame church activities for fallen grades and family neglect. Others wrote of horror stories of how their children were led astray by cultic church group leaders to reject their parents and their traditions.
As a parent, I can empathise with the perennial concerns over what we view as negative influences of the world. There are also no excuse to be made for people who exploit the church and the teachings of the Bible for their own personal gains. Black sheeps do exist within the church and its leaders need to do more to weed such behaviours from the church.
Having said that, I think the conclusion that the mega churches are responsible for the children behaviour is too simplistic. As any parent will tell you, we play a very important and critical role in the way we bring up our children. Like it or not, we lay the foundation from which our children build up their world-view and it takes extraordinary amount of time, effort, discipline and patience to get it roughly right. The final ingredient is open communications and respect for our children's viewpoints, which is very important when the child reaches his teens and experiments with the concept of independence. Questionable church practices aside, parents like Dr Lee needs to first look inwards to examine the root cause before indiscriminately taking the churches in Singapore to task for leading her children astray. Perhaps she should spend the effort in writing the letter towards a heart-to-heart talk with her children and re-establish the bond of open communication and understanding. I think this would have been more fruitful.
Finally, just to kill the issue once and for all, the Bible is clear about children's responsibility to their fathers and mothers. In fact, in the Ten Commandments, the commandment to honour your father and mother is the only commandment that brings with it blessing for the one who obey.
Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (Colossians 3:21)
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