Letter to the ST Forum - 'Happy' kids no reason for parental complacency

4 Dec 07 - The Straits Times Forum

I REFER to the report, 'Most S'pore kids are happy: Study' (ST, Nov 30).


The report gave the impression that both dads and mums can and should continue to work without worries (or feel guilty) because (1) 'hours at the office will not affect the emotional well-being of their children' and (2) children who were interviewed in the research indicated that their mums, working or not, often spend time with them.
This report seems to complement recent government efforts to encourage more mothers to re-join the workforce.
The reported findings, based on a highly subjective questionnaire, should not be seen as a blank cheque for couples to abdicate the bulk of their parenting responsibility to childcare services and maids.
Even if we accept that some families may not be able to afford having a parent as the full-time caregiver because of divorce, death or dire financial situations, there are still plenty of couples today who will not think twice about ditching this sacred responsibility for 'lesser' reasons such as professional/career advancement and/or pursuing higher standards of living.
There is nothing wrong in pursuing such things in and of themselves. However, when a couple decide to bring a life into this world, there is a need to critically examine the motives for wanting to do so and evaluate whether they are prepared to make the sacrifices (e.g., giving up on career or luxuries) over the long haul.
My parents separated when I was eight years old and, like Ynez Tan mentioned in the article, I was 'happy' that my working mum was not around so that I could do as I wished. (That the report chose to highlight this girl's views about her mum at work out of the many interviewed spoke volumes about the research's subjectivity).
It was only by the grace of God that I grew up relatively unscathed. Everything else being equal, I would venture to say that children will blossom in an environment where one of the parents is around to provide constant and consistent nurturing love.
Sure, there is no guarantee that children brought up in such an environment will turn out well 100 per cent of the time. However, when they don't and, as parents, you did not make this noble 'sacrifice' when it was in your capacity to do so, it may be too late for regrets over what it could have been.